Hank the Show Off

This is a picture of my brothers' dog, Hank:

This is a picture of Hank happily diving into the water with the precision of an athlete. He looks so grand, he could be a lifeguard dog, prepping to save struggling swimmers who need the aid of a champion. Whatever the reason he is going into the water, you can safely say he knows what he is doing and he looks pretty graceful doing it.


This is a picture of my dog, Kayloo, "swimming":

You'll notice that Kayloos' performance isn't as impressive as Hanks'. It kind of looks like she is drowning. I can assure you, she is not.

Kayloo will not be accepted into lifeguard dog school.

My dogs race around like moronic lunatics after they come out of the water. Supreme-o swimmers they are not, but at least when we get home they are really cute when they crash.

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Camping: Cruisin'

At one point my uncle took my mom, dad, aunt and I on a Boat Ride. Capital "B" capital "R" because boat rides are Wicked. Boat rides are the kind of thing that makes you feel like you're cruisin', and the only things cooler than cruisin' are the following:

1. being a black belt in some kind of martial art
2. being Pool-Shark-Good at playing pool

I am a black belt in flailing around, hitting hard and letting the Mean Streak Take Over and I can single-handedly make one, single game of pool last over an hour and a half... so cruising it is.

My mom, aunt and I played the If We Had a House on a Lake, Which House Would We Have? game. This is a pretty good game. It is similar but different to If We Had a Villa What Would It Look Like? and If We Had a Beverly Hills Home with a Swimming Pool, An Amusement Park, a Drive Thru Ben and Jerry's and a Full Time Man-Servant, What Would It Look Like? For some reason my dad and my uncle weren't interested in playing.

This game consists of comments such as the following:

• It's nice, but eek- look how far you would have to walk to the water. What is that, like, 45 seconds?
  
• 0/10. No space for the outdoor spa, which is clearly a Top 5 criteria.

For some reason the fact that we don't actually OWN a cabin on ANY lake does not stop us from being so judgmental.

In any case, we didn't find our Dream Cabin and would have had to combine 8 designs to even come close, so needless to say, we won't be purchasing a cabin by the lake this summer. Drat.

While we were gone Mickey and Kayloo hung out under their fancy tent, away from the crazy hot sun and guarded the beer.

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Camping: Kayloo & the Thong

Camping was HOT. Holy-Crap hot. Speedos-Aren't-A-Good-Idea-Unless-You're-Michael-Phelps, hot. Thong-Bikini-Bottoms-Are-NEVER-A-Good-Idea-Oh-My-God-That-Image-Will-Be-Burned-Into-My-Retinas-Forever, hot.

And I forgot my bathing suit.

You know, this should not surprise me. The last TWO work trips I went on I forgot my glasses, which is a serious problem considering my contacts dry up like potato chips and I am blind enough to run into dark doorways because I CAN'T SEE THEM. I even forgot my glasses when I went to Mexico where the whole Grand Master Plan was to sleep in, sit on my duff and read trashy magazines. Waking up in the morning and FEELING my way to the bathroom, trying to avoid breaking my toes on every corner I couldn't see wasn't originally a part of the itinerary. But you know, it added a bit of sport to my mornings and gave me an excellent excuse to start drinking before lunch.

Kayloo had the right idea. I should have just grabbed a thong and plopped right down in the lake. My family was there though. That could have been... awkward.

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