Monday, December 7, 2009

Bright Orange Wonderful

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I did something really, really dumb on Saturday. Something so dumb now, looking back, it makes me think WHAT THE HELL, SHAUNA? I know better than this. What the hell?

On Saturday I got to thinking. About stuff. You know what I'm talking about: THINKING ABOUT STUFF. Bad news, bad news...

At 2 o'clock in the afternoon I started to zone in on things that normally don't pop into my head until 2 o'clock in the morning. The kind of paranoia inducing things that leave me staring at the ceiling, forcing me talk to myself in that half stern, half pleading tone: "Okay now, STOP IT. Relax. You are just being silly. Everything is going to be FINE, and now, best case scenario, you are only going to get 4 hours and 29 minutes of sleep so FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY get a grip and go to SLEEEEEEP because the last time you got less than 4 hours of sleep you started to cry because BRUSHING YOUR HAIR WAS TOO HARD.

Yes. I got those shenanigans started a whole 12 hours early.

So, to cheer myself up I got purchased and consumed... wait for it... Kraft Singles. Oh no you di'int. Oh. Yes. I. Did. Kraft Singles are disgusting goodness and I watched on a commercial that they are AMERICAS CHEESE which is super sad because Holland has gouda and those monstrous, impressive looking cheese wheels so the fact that America has tiny processed cheese slices wrapped in plastic as their National Cheese is just depressing. Or so you would think. Maybe the fact that I am Canadian is what saved me from feeling too horrible about the state of America's cheese, but dare I say that unnaturrally orange consumable plastic went down nicely.

Next I watched a comedy called Funny People. Should be funny, right? It was mostly except THE MAIN CHARACTER HAD CANCER. WTF? Hi, movie writer people? CANCER SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN MOVIES WITH "FUNNY" AND "PEOPLE" IN THE TITLE. Because sometimes lazy people such as myself come along who judge movies based on the cover and/or title and we sure as hell don't read the back to get a better feel for what is going to happen in the movie. 90% of the time I read the back. For the other 10% I figure the title and cover is SO OBVIOUS I can conserve my energy for more important things like deciding between Nibs and Junior Mints. Just a quick FYI for you there. You may not have learned that in movie writer school. But let's jot that little gem down and do our best not to screw up like that again, shall we? Thanks much. Aside from the cancer business it was funny. NARROWLY DODGED A BULLET THERE MOVIE WRITER PEOPLE. Got my eye on you.

And so, to make up for the unfunny parts of Funny People, I plugged in my Christmas lights. I have one string lovingly draped around our two front windows and that definitely helped because glittery goodness helps everything and is dang cheerful.

All in all, crisis more or less averted. I have basically forgotten about the endless questions plaguing me: Why am here? Am I reaching my potential? Why am I not doing more? WHY AM I EATING BRIGHT ORANGE CHEESE?

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1 comment:

  1. I hate to think what you'll be like when you're my age because this sounds like me as I go through my Peri Menopause/PMS from hell episodes. And I get this way once a month. I only hope for you that by the time you are my age there are some gooood drugs waiting for you!