Monday, August 24, 2009

I Suck as a Reviewer (and Bocce and Lightsabers)

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I've come to the conclusion that I would never EVER make it as a critic if that was my profession. If I was a critic and depended on people caring about my critiques and I had to wait for a pay cheque to come of it... I would starve. Completely and totally to death.

I had a glass of wine recently and it kind of tasted like juice. Juice with an edge I suppose, but that was just because it had alcohol in it. I'd say what Tang is to juice, this "wine" is to wine.

In any case, as much as I can go on about me thinking it was crap... I can't bring myself to tell you what vineyard the wine comes from because it makes me feel bad to say: And hereto forth, I bequeath, Wine Blah Blah blows (my "reviews" so far: Cono Sur is "good," Barefoot "rocked" and for Lotusland "I liked it").

Let's blame my mother for this one. She's on holiday right now. She won't know.

What else do I suck at?

Bocce apparently. I went to go play last Friday and I came THIS close to hitting a duck and landing my bocce ball in a pond. WELL PLAYED!

Something I don't suck at: those reenactment games where you get all dressed up and play fight with your buddies in parks. I don't suck at it because I don't do it. But I DID see some people playing their game in the park where we were playing bocce! And they were DRESSED UP AND EVERYTHING. One guy even had all the make-up on and they had swords, pardon me, lightsabers and they LIT UP. I'm not sure if they made "whoomp, whoomp" sound because I wasn't close enough (would YOU have gotten very close to people in black capes and knee high army boots... and LIGHTSABERS?), but I could definitely see that they lit up and they were blue and those slow motion action moves were kick ass.

I could never be one of those reenactment game people. There are many reasons really, but a couple of them are 1) I don't think I could pull off slow motion action moves and 2) I hate getting dressed up. Halloween makes me want to pull my eyelashes out.

I hate finding a costume, spending money on crap that I'm only going to wear once, calling my friends to see if anyone ANYONE has a purple, sparkly mullet I can borrow (has to be purple!) because, darn it, I went and threw mine out last week.

Let's blame this on my mother too. Why? Just cuz. She's on holidays.

Back to my point. I suck at reviewing. I'm going to try not to lose any sleep over this one. I will not come on here and say, OMG THIS WINE WAS SO BAD, BLEH, BLECHT, THE HORROR, in the same way that I will not put a collar on the dog and say: Check this out? Ugly, hey? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

Ok then. I think I'll go get dressed up and play some bocce.

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  1. My wine guy used to tell us (wife and I) that you really needed to drink an entire case (12 bottles but not all at one sitting) of a particular wine before you could appreciate the subtleties of the wine. Only then could we really understand and get to know a particular wine. What does it do on the tongue? Is it sweet on the tip and bitter on the back? Does it seem to dance in your mouth or tickle your nose? Is it better warm or cold or heated? Can you taste the barrel? Is that a good thing? Is it better with food or alone in a sea of decadence?

    Of course, the wine guy was trying to sell us wine -- and he seemed to be pretty good at his job. :-)

    On the other hand, I've met my share of wines that are, IMHO, so bad, bleh, blecht, the horror, that the thought of introducing the wine to the sink drain pipe begs the question: would it be an improvement?

  2. I agree; you definitely need to drink large quantities of one type of wine to make sure it is of a weak character, LOL I was trying to sound funny.

    I really like Pinot Grigio from Penguin it is very tasty with seafood or I should say added for cooking and sipping. My very Favorite is Egri Bikaver (Bulls Blood) from Hungary. and of course by the case it has to be "Our Daily Red", Reds are very good, In my oppinion , for sitting around and chatting with friends.

  3. @Paul- Did you stick with one kind of wine (more or less) until you had the entire case? Meaning, did you try to really focus on one wine without being distracted by other wines?

  4. @Valerie- I've never been a huge wine fan, but I had the Pinot Grigio from Barefoot & really liked that. I'm noticing a bit of a trend with people & their love of wines from Hungary- I'm going to have to give it a go.

  5. @Shauna, Yes, and No. At the time we were having a wine guy come to the house and do private samplings, with us, we would buy a half case or a case of each of 3 to 5 different wines. So, until we would run out and need the wine guy to come back, we only drank from among those 3 to 5 wines.

    Unfortunately, its been 12 years since we've been able to justify spending $,$$$ every 2 or 3 months on wine. Our wine guy is out of the business, many of the empty bottles we kept to remind us of what to buy have been tossed out, and we prefer to spend $4/bottle on a Columbia Crest Cab Sauv/Merlot at the grocery store instead of spending $20 to $45 per bottle plus shipping for our old favorites.