Just Call Me Cesar

Right after I took this photo Kayloo took off in the direction of the dogs she is looking at in the distance.

So that was wicked cool (frustrating/embarrassing/ KAYLOOYOUGETYOURBUTTOVERHERERIGHTNOWORELSEIMGOINGTOKICKYOURBUTTIMNOTKIDDING!!!).

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We Heart Gerry Dee

We are going to see Gerry Dee this weekend! He is HILarious! Love it! Yes, he's Canadian, and YES I am like every other Canadian and overly aware of EVERY SINGLE talented/famous/infamous Canadian on the entire planet, but whatever.

(did you know that Jim Carrey is Canadian? he is. did you know that Pamela Anderson is Canadian? she is. did you know that Mike Myers is Canadian? he is. is it really really annoying that my fellow Canadians and I do this? yessiree, it is)

This guy is seriously funny (and he was totally ROBBED on Last Comic Standing (again, I am Canadian, I am required by Canadian law to point this out. If I don't scary Mounties will force me to wear their pants. OMG! Avril Lavigne IS CANADIAN TOO!)).

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Towels of Temptation

Why do people have fancy towels in their bathrooms?

I grew up with the fancy towel phenomenon. Every now and then there wouldn't be a towel so you'd mash the corner of the fancy towel trying to dry your hands off while doing your best to maintain the INTEGRITY OF THE TOWEL. Do that every day for a couple weeks and the towel integrity kind of goes out the window though. And then your mom's ticked. But you SWEAR TO GOD you only did it ONCE.

I also grew up knowing that candles should look pretty but NEVER EVER BE LIT and that pillow cases should be ironed. So should jeans (ah mom, I still grew up to be a heathen. My jeans aren't ironed. Neither are my pillow cases).

Despite all this education, I don't get fancy towels. You can't use them, but people do anyway. If guests use them it's okay (kind of) because, how can they know better?, but if any member of the household admits to looking in the general direction of the Towels of Temptation the exasperation is endless. So they just hang there and more often than not they get dusty, and then you have to wash them all at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME otherwise one fades before the rest of the set and then ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

Save yourselves, people! BE RID OF THE FANCY TOWELS!!!

Decorative pillows, however... decorative pillows are something I get. I paid more for the pillows that HAD BETTER DAMN WELL NOT BE LAID ON than the ones that can be schlepped on and yes, as a matter of fact that DOES make perfect sense to me.

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Behold the Quiet Pup

Photographic evidence that dropping your pup off at the kennel/boarder/Pooch Pamper Supreme Frou Frou Whatever can be a Very Good Idea:

Behold: Complete and total, snout to tail, happy-puppy, deep bone exhaustion. Looks a lot like Kayloo's tired puppy pic.

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Salty, Salty Freedom

I didn't grow up near the water (I grew up in Prince George, with BEARS), so although mountains are what make me feel cozy and at home, there is something about walking through the salty breeze and watching the ocean sparkle and shimmer that really makes you feel like you have all the room in the world to BREATHE.

If that is exactly what you need to do.

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Paul Bunyan and his Wine

I bought this bottle of Voga Italia purely because of the wicked bottle. And because it was a Pinot Grigio. As far as white wines go, it was very nice. I think I am going to stick with Pinot Griogios (when I even venture down the white path) because, as a Red Wino, there aren't a lot of white wines that turn my crank.

Just for the record, I didn't go and thump that ax into the block for this shot. Paul Bunyan just happened to be chopping wood the day before.

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Quick Note to the Girl Who Broke the Glass and Left it On the Sidewalk

Ok. So this is another wee bit of a rant. It's not a super crazy rant... it's pretty gentle as far as rants go. But I do realize it's a rant. Just so you know, I know. I know that it's a rant. I know.

Ok.

As I was walking home today I saw a woman take a glass thing-a-majig and break it into a garbage can leaving 60 billion shards of glass all over the sidewalk.

She looked like a nice enough girl. She clearly worked at a retail store that sold expensive furniture whatnots, she was wearing a nice, put together outfit, her hair was all done up nice... she was normal in every way and it seemed to me that she wasn't TRYING to be a jackass.

This was my thought process:

Hu. Breaking glass into that garbage can probably isn't a great idea.

Yup, officially not a good idea. There is now glass all over the ground.

She must not realize that the bottom of the garbage can isn't closed in and that the razor sharp chunks of glass are now falling onto the ground just waiting for puppy feet and baby hands and other horrible mental images that a person probably doesn't ever need ever.

I SWEAR TO GOD I figured she must not have realized what she had done. I mean, what kind of jackass knowingly breaks glass all over the ground and leaves it there?

So, when I got closer I turned and pointed to the glass saying:

"Excuse me, but there is some glass there on the ground..."

At which point she gave me Snarky Face and said:

"Yeah. I'll be sure to clean that right up. Yeah. Thanks."

Hmmm... I have the sneaking suspicion that she was being sarcastic there. I can tell you with complete and utter honesty that I was not being rude when I spoke to her! At all! Honest! Rude would have sounded something like this:

(Imaginary Rude Me) Hey, moron! If your mother saw what you just did, HOW MUCH TROUBLE WOULD YOU BE IN? What do you do in your spare time, take candy from children? And pull the heads off their GI Joe dolls? AND KICK PUPPIES?!! You get over here RIGHT NOW, pick up this glass and then GO TO YOUR ROOM YOUNG LADY!!!

That would have been scary, (imaginary) rude me, but I did not do that at all, I was very polite and, call me naive, quite shocked by her reaction. Now that I've had time to think of it, it wasn't the glass that ticked me off as much as her reaction did.

I totally realize that we all make mistakes. I do all kinds of stupid stuff ALL THE TIME. Just two days ago I left the house with John's keys IN ADDITION TO MY OWN SET OF KEYS and John realized it just as he was trying to leave the house to head out to the first of 3 meetings but he couldn't because I HAD HIS KEYS. So I got three frantic messages, all of which I missed because I was away from my phone (of course) so I couldn't even tell him OH MY GOD I HAVE YOUR KEYS I AM SUCH A DOLT so he could give up turning the house upside down and come up with an Alternate Plan. Whoops. A. Daisy. Jackass move on my part. Everyone does dumb stuff, it's just important to smack yourself in the head, or make the "Holy crap, did I just do that?!!" face or buy an ice cream cake to apologize (I just saw a commercial for ice cream cake. Mmmmm).

Since I'm trying to be more zen, I've decided that rather than stew in Anger and the Unfairness of it All, something else probably happened: I'll bet she was having One Of Those Moments (you know, one of THOSE moments). She did something not so hot, she knew it and then I went and called her on it. Maybe she got snarky because she felt bad or even a bit embarrassed. Maybe if I had left her alone she would have thought about the pesky glass and cleaned it up herself.

I keep on thinking of a whole bunch of dumb things I've done. The urge to share is getting hard to resist...

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When They're Sleeping...

Here we have Kayloo completely crashed out on her Molly Mutt, your hand in mind dog duvet (Canadians can order theirs here). You get a thing called a "stuff sack" and make your own little cushion and then put your cushion inside the duvet. GOOD IDEA. I LOVE the print and I LOVE the fact that I have reused all the heinous pieces of clothing I feel bad about getting rid of. Very green. Love it.

And oh, I could just eat this little girl up!

We got size gargantuan so that both Mickey & Kayloo can sleep on it. Mickey, however, still manages to spend a lot of time sitting on Kayloos' head.

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Buddies

My dogs are buddies.

They wreck stuff together. They get naked together. They destroy national emblems together. Bad ass dogs, these dogs are.

Except when they are being cute. Then they aren't bad ass at all. Then they're just cute... which is lucky for them cuz if they weren't cute SOME OF THE TIME I would have sold them to a glue factory by now.

Unless glue factories don't need dogs.

IN THAT CASE I would have sold them to a family with a screaming, snotty-nosed kid who YANKED ON THE TAILS OF ANNOYING, CUSHION WRECKING DOGS and made them have a bath EVERY OTHER DAY. And twice on Tuesday.

But they're cute so I'll keep them. For now.

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Happy Tree

I took this photo in July on a camping trip. It was so hot and lovely... I am looking outside and it is raining right now (sigh). I don't remember anyone consulting me about summer ending (yes, yes my Australian friends, I realize summer is just about to start for you. Good for you, rub it in already- enjoy your slip, slap, slop and half-melted Tim-Tams!).

Here is another favourite photo from that trip (a photo of Mickey).

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Morty the Moose

This is my mom's moose, Morty. He's not ACTUALLY my mom's moose, but she named him, and I'm pretty sure that no one else thought to name him, so why can't he be my mom's? I mean, she's given him an identity. No longer is he just some nameless moose crashing through the brush. Now he's Morty Crashing Through the Brush.

One might even say that my mom gave Morty the Moose meaning.

Maybe not.

She took this picture somewhere around Nunavut. If you thought Prince George was way up north, just imagine... Nunavut gets you even closer to Santa Claus! SANTA CLAUS PEOPLE!!!

[pause...]

THAT'S RIGHT! I just mentioned Santa Claus AND IT IS ONLY SEPTEMBER. There is some kind of rule and I DID IT ANYWAY- it has something to do with not mentioning anything Christmas-y until after Halloween or something, but you know what? That's how I roll! Caution to the wind! Fly by the seat of my pants! Any. Thing. Can. Happen.

Ok then. No more coffee for me after 4pm.

Special thank you to my mom for getting such a slammin' shot!

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Tough Cookie

Here is Mickey taking a break during our Saturday walk. It was uncharacteristically hot, which is ALWAYS a brilliant surprise.

My friend Maria took this photo- she is a REAL photographer. She had a show in a GALLERY AND EVERYTHING! Just in case you didn't notice: I am Maria's Unofficial PR department. She didn't hire me.

You can see just a hint of the studs on Mickey's collar. He needs those studs because, as you can see, he is a pretty tough cookie.

More pics from Maria to come!

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And Then There Were Four (Olive's Heroes)

This article was originally posted on Olive's Heroes.

John and I moved back to Canada from Holland in 2007. John started a business, I started a new job and then we bought a house, a car and got married in June 2008.

You’d think that would be enough change for two people over the course of a year and a half.

But, no. Oh, no.

[Read more about our growing family here]

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Hank the Show Off

This is a picture of my brothers' dog, Hank:

This is a picture of Hank happily diving into the water with the precision of an athlete. He looks so grand, he could be a lifeguard dog, prepping to save struggling swimmers who need the aid of a champion. Whatever the reason he is going into the water, you can safely say he knows what he is doing and he looks pretty graceful doing it.


This is a picture of my dog, Kayloo, "swimming":

You'll notice that Kayloos' performance isn't as impressive as Hanks'. It kind of looks like she is drowning. I can assure you, she is not.

Kayloo will not be accepted into lifeguard dog school.

My dogs race around like moronic lunatics after they come out of the water. Supreme-o swimmers they are not, but at least when we get home they are really cute when they crash.

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Blue

Look at the sky, it's PERFECTLY BLUE!

Once upon a time it was summer and I love summer and it was warm and the sun was shining and it was HEAVEN and did I mention that I LOVE summer? and then- OH NO!- it was OVER no, no, no. And then, the end.

I'm not sure if where you are is anything like where I am... but where I am is starting to get a bit cooler. Dang it.

This is a picture I took of the sky about a month ago while I was laying on my back on a blanket in the backyard. I was with my husband and my dogs and I had a mondo-sized latte and I read a of couple magazines and basically life was pretty much incredibly, totally perfect. That day may have also been a good hair day. I'm pretty sure it was.

Sigh...

I think this pic of Mickey and this pic of Kayloo about wrap up perfect summer days. Ooooh and then there was camping... and white wine!

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Dirty Rotten Kitty

This is Dirty Rotten Kitty. As you can see, Dirty Rotten Kitty has seen better days.

I read a great tip though (I think it was on Modern Dog)- patch up dog toys with dental floss. DENTAL FLOSS! How is THAT for some wicked advice?

Quick practical comment: I patched up a bunch of toys over the weekend and used a regular needle with the dental floss. Turns out the eye on a regular needle is big enough for the dental floss to be threaded through.

Who knew?

In the meantime, the future for Dirty Rotten Kitty is not looking bright.


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Willy-Nilly Wonka

I was GOING to write something about how Mickey, when he play fights with Kayloo, assumes the unique ninja-fighting position of flopping out on his back and pawing at Kayloo's head. You'd think, since he is half her size, he would do his best to make himself bigger, but no. He lays down and rolls over and starts kicking and punching away like a wayward kangaroo. A really REALLY small kangaroo.

So, I was GOING to write about that, but then I noticed that Mickey's willy was HANGING OUT. Right on out there. With absolutely no regard for decorum or manners or EVEN INTRODUCTIONS! Oh. The. Horror. Didn't he know that SELF RESPECTING PEOPLE WITH STANDARDS WOULD SEE HIM?

Since Mickey is a male dog and I am not in the habit of making him wear trousers, this state of exposure is not an unusual occurrence. Happens every day as you might well imagine. Of course, I don't generally freeze-frame the occasion and then force it upon my unsuspecting readers.

Suddenly I started to second guess myself. Would you guys wince at a dog willy in the wind? Would you be a wee bit uncomfortable and waffle at such wretchedness?

Or would you wink and think, "Hey! What's a little walk on the wild side?"

(I'm going to try not to do the 7 million "w's" in a sentence thing again, but come ON, it was kind of funny!)

So, what do you think? Is dog modesty a must, or are we okay with our dogs in all their inappropriate splendor?

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